The battle has begun...
Quitting Paxil is a bizarre and unpredictable experience that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. At any given moment you may feel like you doing okay and you’re going to make it out of the funk – and the next minute, you feel like you are literally losing your mind. I haven’t felt real emotion in so long that the feelings of irritability and rage scare me (in my world, rage is yelling – not violent rage).
With what’s going on right now, I don’t know how to process what I am thinking or saying. I feel like I am constantly battling with the Paxil for control of my thoughts and emotions – unlike before I started tapering, when the Paxil quietly manipulated my moods.
At this point in the process, I find myself questioning whether I am suffering the symptoms of withdrawal or if the years of Paxil have become deep layers of ice that are slowly and painfully melting away.
I keep thinking – how far can it go? How bad can it really get? Some people say it’s like having the flu… Sure, I’ll agree that some of the shitty feelings remind me of the flu – but at least when I suffered from the flu I knew that I would eventually get better. With Paxil in my system, I have no idea what I will feel like tomorrow – or for that matter, five minutes from now.
posted by Phil Lawrence @ 3:27 PM
1 Comments:
I hope you are feeling a bit better today. I wanted to share my Paxil-flu. The actual flu feeling lasted only a couple of days. I was incapacitated for 24 hours, throwing up and such, with the aching muscles, joints, head etc... After the abdominal problems calmed, I was left with the aches and pains. I didn't really consider it flu-like after that point.
After the flu came the irrational emotions - or at least that is when I remember them hitting.
My experience with the "flu" was in cold turkey. I lasted 12 days of cold turkey before literally losing almost all ability to differentiate between reality and dreams. Luckily I found help and they helped me with a proper taper, which was no cakewalk, but much better and safer for me and those around me.
I wish you the best during your experience. Everyone is different in this journey. I look forward to meeting with you in the near future.
In the meantime, rest as much as possible, have a comfortable pair of sunglasses to live in and remember to breathe. Controlled breathing is a must during the worst of times.
Take care and talk to you soon!
De Lyn
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