Trip to Washington DC

Last week, we packed up the gear and headed to Washington for the FDA’s hearings to review the suicidality risks in adults. I’ll have to admit, at first, it was a little intimidating – I mean, this is the real deal – the FDA! So, we show up at the meeting room an hour or so early to get settled in and get the cameras set up – we sign in and were lucky enough to wedge ourselves in between the CNN and ABC News cameras. My heart was pounding – I was about to witness one of the processes that makes our country great. Unfortunately, once the hearings got underway, I was no longer intimidated or in awe. I was just disappointed. I wanted to believe that this type of public debate was going to reveal some kind of truth - or provide answers to some of the issues at hand. It had every opportunity to be a reaffirming moment for me – especially to prove that there is some value and credibility in the way our system works. Sadly, that was not the case. In my opinion, it came off as a show - nothing more than a media event designed to give the FDA a boost in public opinion – which is timely considering that FDA reform is likely just around the corner. It was almost comical watching these public officials posturing for the cameras.



Image filmed by Phil Lawrence.

On the other hand, it was excruciating to watch and listen to the testimonies from the families and relatives who lost loved ones to suicide. It wasn’t excruciating because of the stories – those were brutal and heart wrenching. It was excruciating because of the way the panel of experts and members of the FDA treated them – it was as if they all put up a shield to keep from getting emotional. But why? What’s wrong with getting emotional? I couldn’t understand - why wouldn’t they look at them?


Image filmed by Phil Lawrence.

Why wouldn’t they listen to what these people have to say? It was beyond rude – it was cold-hearted – dismissive. Personally, I had never met these people before, yet as I stood there videotaping them – hearing their stories, I fought back tears. What’s wrong with that? It doesn’t reveal what side of the argument I fall on - its empathy, its caring about others – its being a human being regardless of your political agenda, title or responsibilities.


Image filmed by Darren LaZarre.

Everyone who was brave enough to stand up in front of this panel and pour their hearts out has my utmost respect. I assure you that your stories did not fall on deaf ears – and will never be forgotten or dismissed.

Human Pincushion

Last week I tried acupuncture for the first time. I have to say, at first, I was pretty skeptical – I mean, come on – a guy sticks needles into my skin and I’m going to walk away feeling better? Sounds crazy, but it really works – at least it did for me.

The process was very relaxing – I actually left the office feeling very energized. It probably had something to do with lying perfectly still for twenty minutes (which I rarely do).

In case anyone is wondering, the answer is no, the needles don’t really hurt. I’m not saying you don’t feel them going in – you do, but it’s not what I would call painful - nothing like the sharp pain of getting a vaccination.


Image filmed by Bob Seabold.

While I did feel an improvement that night and the next day, I’m not sure how long the effects lasted. As a matter of fact, I may have suffered a little kick-back coming off the initial rush. By the third day, I was feeling pretty blue and have struggled to get back on track. Taking the Pilates classes seems to help - but that rush also wears off pretty quickly.

I’m guessing that whatever path I choose, it will take time before I can truly experience the full effects. It’s hard for me not to expect a “quick fix” when I try something new. I’ve been conditioned to think that way…got a problem? Fix it and move on. But this requires more work, more discipline and more focus. It may not be the quick fix I want - but I’m pretty sure it will be the right fix I need.

Teaching an old dog new tricks

It’s official - I’m old and not very limber.


Image filmed by Bob Seabold.

To my own surprise, I started Pilates today. I’ve got to say, it’s pretty cool. Granted, I have no idea what I’m doing - but just giving it a try and moving my body felt good. My instructor, Debra is a dynamite motivator and put me at ease right away. Of course, I am taking baby steps, which means I talked Debra into showing me what it’s all about without an entire class around. What else would you expect from a guy that suffers from Social Anxiety?


Image filmed by Bob Seabold.

It’s so easy (and comfortable) to simply take a pill in the privacy of my home, but to really deal with my depression and anxiety at its core, I know I’ve got to get out there among other people and put myself in situations that make me the most uncomfortable. Not to confront the demons, but more to find relief from the symptoms. If I can get over the initial stress and fear of joining the group, I know I will benefit from the experience. Easier said than done I know, but I’ve lived through the alternative and I’m ready to give something else a try.