Next Step
I spoke with my Doctor yesterday and he suggested that I drop my dose of Paxil again. The current plan is to stay at that dose for two more weeks and then stop completely. I am both excited and apprehensive about getting the drug out of my system. With the way I have been feeling though, I am really starting to wonder if I want to go back to the world I left behind ten years ago when I started taking the antidepressant. My feelings and emotions seem so familiar - the moods, the very low lows, and the irritability – it’s all there – but now I am confused by whether it’s the drug leaving my system or the real me. The one thing I do know for sure is that I have little to no control over what is happening to me - and I don't like that.
Image filmed by Phil Lawrence.
This process has really complicated how I see myself and what defines my personality. If someone asked me to describe the kind of person I am – the only way I could answer that, at this moment, would be to say that I don't know...I have no idea who I really am.
posted by Phil Lawrence @ 1:49 PM
2 Comments:
Phil, I have written you off line a number of times and I am writing again to urge you to go more slowly. It really is crazy to go off ten years of Paxil in 6 weeks and it's no wonder you are confused, feeling angry, and out of control. Furthermore even when it is "out of your system" as you say that just means your blood levels will be zero but it doesn't mean that your brain or body will be healed. That is going to take a long time and a lot of patience. If you taper more slowly you will be able to be in much better control of this process. I hope for your sake you listen. You could be putting your self at serious risk of hurting yourself or others if you proceed this quickly with your withdrawal.
I am the mother of a wonderful 25 year old woman who died of a Paxil induced suicide.
Phil, I've got to agree with anonymous and her post. This does all seem very quick to me as well... but maybe you're one of the people who can handle it and the film is giving you a focus that helps.
I took 22 months to wean off Seroxat and now, 8 months on from stopping I'm still recovering. I took 30mgs for 7 years.
I want those 7 years back - but I'll never get them.
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