Been a while...

Time marches on and I wish I could say that I felt great and had a full recovery from my ten years of Paxil use – but, unfortunately, that’s not the case. I have tried to put the documentary project aside for a while in an attempt to regain some normalcy in my life. I was so consumed with everything related to antidepressants that it became overwhelming. I just wanted to be normal again.

So, for the past month or so, I have focused on work and my family and really tried to accept my new reality – and learn to live with it. What I have really struggled with is the inconsistency in the recovery from the drug. One day, I’m fine and the next, I wake up to the same physical symptoms like the ringing in the ears and electrical pulses. It’s a constant reminder of the long-term damage that was done to my mind and body. I am also struggling with an intense lethargic feeling that can hit at anytime, regardless of the amount of rest I have had. I feel like damaged goods – and that makes me angry.

For over six months, I have suffered more than I would wish on even my worst enemy – both physically and psychologically. Not because I have some disease or infection that won’t go away – no, I am suffering because I am trying to STOP a medication. An FDA approved medication that was supposed to help me. What a joke. What I - and so many others are going through - has nothing to do with depression, anxiety or any other disorder. IT IS WITHDRAWAL - PLAIN AND SIMPLE. It is withdrawal from a powerful and highly addictive drug that doesn’t “treat” anything in the first place. It is a drug that simply masks the problems people have – not help them get better.

Someone once told me that if I continue to talk about the dangers of these drugs, that I am jeopardizing the years of advances they have made in breaking down the stigma of depression – and by doing that, I would be keeping people from taking medication that they need. I’m not buying it. Not any more. Too many people are making too much money off of a very vulnerable and fragile group of human beings – and I can’t just sit here and do nothing.

I wish we could just dismiss this whole antidepressant craze as our generation’s “Snake Oil Salesmen” and laugh it off – but we can’t. This is no joke. Too many lives are at stake and too much damage has already been done. The “Snake Oil” they are now selling is filled with venom – and, this miracle drug that they have promised will cure you, may end up to be the very thing that kills you.

It’s good to be back.


At 10:32 AM, Anonymous Sara said...

Phil, It's good to hear from you. I share your point of view and I'm sorry you had to learn this at personal expense but it's still only been 4+ months since you stopped. That isn't that long in the scheme of things even though I know it feels like an eternity. You will get better. People do. Those pulses will go away and the energy will come back. I'm glad you tried to restore some normalcy to your life -- that's a very good idea. So if you keep the project on the back burner from time to time, that's okay, but of course we all hope you'll finish it one day too. But take your time and get it right.

At 7:08 AM, Anonymous admin said...

Likewise - good to hear from you Phil. And the same as sara, I'm going to say you just need more time. Much more time in my experience.

Don't push it - just accept you're moving forward.

And it is good to be back isn't it!

At 10:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a freind who's been on antidepressants for the majority of his life, now he's started college off in Minnisota and I think he feels worse.

He was off his meds for a while, and now I hear he's cutting, I tell him to take his medicine, but after that post I am not so sure.

He's been depressed a long time, I will try to pass this site onto him.

At 7:24 PM, Anonymous laurie said...

Phil, you are following the same pattern as thousands of others who have gone through this hell. Patience is key!The brain is very forgiving, but it's slow to heal. You WILL get there. In the meantime...take time to just breath.


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