Finding hope
I had rare but very welcome outburst of laughter other day while stuck in traffic in LA. (okay, so you’re probably thinking this guy has truly lost it if he is sitting there giggling like a fool while stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic in downtown LA). But seriously, I felt free for a moment – free from all the BS that goes with getting off of Paxil. Sure, my head was still pounding, my ears ringing, I was nauseous and very, very agitated - but sitting there in traffic, for a very brief moment, it all just seemed so ridiculous – that I had to laugh.
Image filmed by Phil Lawrence.
Even though the moment was short lived – it felt good – really good. Of course, part of me thinks that it was more than likely just another one of the withdrawal symptoms – but the other part of me – the positive side – thinks that maybe Paxil’s grip on my mood and my mind might actually be letting loose. Whatever the reason and whatever happens, I’ll always remember that moment. For me, that brief moment of laughter now symbolizes hope. And hope is something I desperately need, especially as I sit here writing with tears rolling down my face not knowing if I'll ever be me again.
posted by Phil Lawrence @ 1:59 PM
2 Comments:
I feel for you reading this entry, I really do. You're so alone sometimes while withdrawing.
It's a slow process but you will get better - it's as subtle a recovery as the way Seroxat blunted you in the first place, but slowly you begin to catch sight of yourself - warts and all.
Seems to me there are two strands to this story - the very personal tale of one's withdrawal and the pain and suffering attached... but a wider level there are important questions to be asked about the very societies we live in.
You have to question how long drug companies have known that SSRIs are not quite all they're cracked up to be and have buried the truth in order to continue making huge profits;
why does GSK not help people who suffer problems with withdrawal simply by making tablets with lower doses - or cutting the cost of liquid Seroxat;
you have to ask why the FDA in the USA and the MHRA in the UK have not protected the public in this and other matters related to the approval of dangerous drugs;
you have to examine why the FDA and the MHRA have such very close ties to the industry they are supposed to be regulating - and ask how many people have moved from very senior positions at Pharma companies to very senior positions at the regulators in the last 10 years or so;
you have to ask why the drug companies spend at least twice as much money on marketing as they do R&D - and continue to invent an ever larger list of conditions that can be treated by their drugs;
you have to ask why our goverments continue to turn a blind eye to all this.
The whole thing stinks and we get the shitty end of the stick whichever way you look at it.
I just want to second Roger's remarks. At some point during the making of this documentary I hope to see a good deal of anger and outrage expressed towards GSK, the makers of Paxil, and to the FDA for their failure to monitor adverse effects as well as dismay at the complacency of the medical and psychiatric professions towards the ills that are being perpetrated in the name of mental health. This story is so much bigger than your personal struggle with withdrawal as wrenching and disturbing as that is.
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