Withdrawal or Relapse?
How do I feel today? Angry, tired, frustrated, heavy-hearted and very, very empty.
No wonder there are so many people that try to get off of antidepressants only to find themselves right back at the doctor’s office asking for help. It’s hard to know if it is really a relapse of depression or anxiety or is it the drug’s lingering effects still manipulating your brain. Most doctors would probably say it’s the depression coming back, since little is known about withdrawal or the prolonged effect of antidepressants on the brain. The conversation more than likely will go something like this, “let’s try this new antidepressant – it’s much better - with way fewer side effects.” And just like that, the cycle starts all over again. No reevaluation of the diagnosis – no blood tests, no brain imaging or analysis – just another shot in the dark. New drug - same consequences.
Image filmed by Cory Bauer.
For me, the process of withdrawal is draining, I am as weak emotionally as I have ever been. I feel completely beat up. Trying to stay positive and convincing myself that I will eventually get better, seems impossible at times. It truly is a vicious cycle – you feel bad so you take the drug. You feel better, so you want to stop taking the drug. Stopping the drug makes you feel bad again, so you think you can’t live without the drug. It makes it almost impossible to know who you really are or to believe in yourself. How can I get better if the drug won’t let me be myself?
Thanks to everyone who has supported me and made this project possible.
I may stop writing for a little while. I’m so tired.
posted by Phil Lawrence @ 1:27 PM
3 Comments:
Don't stop writing Phil! Keep pushing.. You have NO idea how much better you are handling this than I did. I got trapped in the exact thing you just described where the doctor pumped me full of new and different drugs. I ended up on so many and with tons of new crazy diagnosises, just because of the withdrawal. It was an unbelievable snowball effect.. ended up going absolutely crazy because of the newer drugs and that same cycle repeated itself over and over.. new drugs, new problems.. mental hospitals. I used to be totally normal and somehow I "caught" all these psych disorders. It was just the withdrawal, but I couldn't see it at the time, and finally I was just like "STOP!!!!" with all the drugs. You are doing great Phil, just push and push. Come back to PaxilProgress too, we miss you and will be there when you are ready. -Pat
Withdrawal or relapse...
Quite easy to answer I would say.
You started to take Paxil for Social Anxiety. If that's the case, surely Social Anxiety NEVER EVER made you feel the way you do now?
What you're going through is withdrawal - pure and simple. Paxil induced withdrawal syndrome.
Maybe now is a good time to go back to the official GSK 'stake in the ground' I posted a while ago:
"One way of doing this [stopping Seroxat] is to gradually reduce the dose of Seroxat you take by 10 mg a week. Most people find that any symptoms on stopping Seroxat are mild and go away on their own within two weeks."
That makes it sound so easy, doesn't it.
What pisses me off is that GSK do nothing to help us.
Why don't they fund some research into withdrawing?
Why don't they make tablets in smaller doses? - how about a 5mg tablet and a 2.5 mg tablet - break them in half and you've got nice small doses for weaning with.
Or, easier still, why can't they just bring down the price of liquid Paxil?
Haven't you made enough money out of us yet, GSK?
Phil, I truly hope this withdrawal starts to even out for you soon. I have been through so much hell and lost so much in the months since I stopped taking SSRIs, I wouldn't want it to happen to anyone else.
Remember, some people's withdrawal really is over within a few weeks, just like it says on the patient information leaflet! You never know, you could be one of the lucky ones. It might not be ideal for the documentary, but it will be much much better for you.
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